Lost a game? Cry? Of course — but only if you’re part Viking warrior and part Pharaoh’s last advisor. My tears weren’t sadness… they were ritualistic loot drops from the Fortune Bull Feast. I didn’t rage. I meditated. Then whispered to my screen: ‘Was this just failure… or data?’ Turns out — losing was the real victory. Next time? Bring me snacks. And maybe… forgive myself? (Or at least let Mochi lick my tears.)

I came for the Fortune Ox Fest expecting free spins… got handed a bull with a bank account instead. My chai budget? Gone. That ‘Lucky Streak’ bonus? More like ‘Lucky Strike’ after three espressos and one too many dragon dances. They said ‘bet later’ — but my wallet’s already being trampled by an ox in a toga. Pro tip: If your ROI looks like a Pharaoh’s tax audit… maybe just quit gaming and become a hermit. Who else is still broke? (Spoiler: It’s me.)